In other news: I probably need some sort of medication

The maintainance guy came around to fix our sink because it was leaking all over the cupboard floor beneath it. I discovered there was a problem when I was doing the dishes and found myself standing in a puddle. I didn't notice sooner because the only things we keep under there are cleaning products and cat food, and we hardly ever use those. Anyway, so the the maintainance guy came around ten in the morning, and I was grumpy straight off because I had to put on a bra and pants. Then he called me "ma'am" and the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees. I never know what to do when someone is in my house to fix something -- my instinct was to hover and ask him if he needed anything, but I fought back that urge. Eventually, I decided to lay on the couch and pretend to read a book while really just fidgeting with the desires to go see what he was doing and take my pants back off.

(Side note: I blame my father for the hovering. While I was growing up, he would regularly enlist me against my to "help" him do a project in order to build character. "Helping" consisted of standing beside him and handing him tools when he asked for them. Rather, it consisted of standing next to him, him asking me for a tool, me not knowing what tool he wanted, and him ending up getting the tool himself. The end result, however, is that I now feel my presence is instrumental to the completion of projects, even when I have no idea what's going on. Especially when I have no idea what's going on.)

The awkard got bumped up a notch when he started talking, loudly, to himself. It was really more like shouting to himself. Shouting at himself and the pipe under the sink. He did that thing where he wanted to swear, but instead of swearing he used strange phrases that sounded like swearing. "Dagnabit! Son of a monkey's uncle. You forgot the the extra tile, you durn idiot. Come on, break loose, you garbin mothballer farkwrank." With each round of the faux cursing, I felt more anxious. You ever have that nightmare where people are talking to you but it's all gibberish? I was living it.

By time he left, I was anxious enough to want to just rip off my pants and run into the kitchen to hand him a tool -- any tool. STAND BACK AND LET ME PASSIVELY FIX IT BY DOING NOTHING.

It's been an exciting week around here. Yesterday, I accidentally stepped on the kitten's neck reasonably hard when he dashed in front of me. Then I spent the next half hour assessing whether or not he could still move all his limbs and devising crackpot tests to gauge his neurological response. The verdict was that he was fine but couldn't tell me how many fingers I was holding up. He also wants to know if you come here often. Can he buy you a drink?

Comments

[Em]

haha funny plumber story. i tend to hover some too when repair people are in my house.

aww poor wicket.

thats a funny pic of him :)

[Shuffledog]

You get better quality work out of contractors by not wearing pants or a bra. Just saying.

[Candra]

Damn cats are always standing right where you need to put your feet.